The Three Primary Determinants to Interpersonal Interaction
Individual Behaviour Model: Three Determinants Make People Do What They Do
1. System: Determines how everybody tends to act and react all the time
Everybody stops at a red light and so forth.
2. Situation: Determines how most people tend to act and react most of the time
People will generally fit in with the social or team situations and so forth
3. Self: Our Temperament – Determines how each individual tends to act and react all the time
Individual people have unique biological preferences; a default position.
All things being considered, this is how they would like their life to be.
The “Me” that is my “Self”
The “Me’ that is my “Self’ (the third and smallest circle in the diagrams above) is your Temperament.
Your temperament is the deepest “you”.
It is what you are wherever you go.
The “Self” is a person’s default position, the intrinsic, biological predisposition, filter or sensor with which an individual is born.
This neurological filter is what we use as a matter of course to interpret life, act, react and interact with and to our sociological circumstances (our relationships, what happens to us etc.).
It is how your brain is constructed, how your neurons fire and how the synaptic connections in your brain interact.
Your personality or temperament (brain dominance) started developing when you were an eight week old fetus in your mother’s womb
And it will be with you until the day you draw you last breath.
It is the way you generally feel and fundamentally wish to be treated.
It is your filter.
And your filter is you.
The “Me” that is my “Self” is your Personality or Temperament
The “Me” that is my “Self” is the most visceral and keenly felt part of our personality.
It usually evidences itself in or with three distinguishing features: differences, needs and values.
Our personality, preferences and likes/dislikes tend to have a recurring pattern.
They represent what an individual tends to be like all the time, unless the other two determinants begin to dominate or come into play.
Although the “Me” that is my “Self” is our most visceral determinant, it is nonetheless the least powerful determinant.
In other words, you might feel something quite deeply about an issue but you find that you negotiate the Situation in the moment or even more so give in to what the system (your boss, civility, the police, the IRS, creditors) demands of you.
If, over time your company system or the specific situation in which you find yourself makes you feel that to survive you must act or be other than you really are, it will wear you out and make you a very unhappy camper.
And no matter what, other people will eventually become the brunt of your unhappiness and you will be the brunt of their personal unhappiness.
What Makes Us Happy or Unhappy With our Job?
Not to be repetitive but to really understand ourselves and others we need to be clear that our individual temperament, the “Me” that is my “Self” on measure, determines what an individual tends be.
In other words, this is how he/she will (would prefer to) act and react, all the time.
Imagine working in a company where your primary task was to do what you already are, to be the “Me” that is my “Self” as a matter of course.
Imagine doing what you naturally think and feel and do all the time.
On the other hand, imagine not doing what you naturally think and feel and do all day long.
We would become exhausted and find ourselves blaming, finding fault and finger pointing at each other.
My rule of thumb is that to be “happy” in your job or career, you need to be at about the 75% mark in doing what you are.
This is why this series is called “Get Unstuck, Stay Unstuck and do what You Are.”
In other words, do and be the “You” that is your “Self”.
If you are interested, in my book, “Get Unstuck, Stay Unstuck and do what you are” I detail how the core “Me” that is my “Self”, our temperament develops in a person and why we are so affected even determined by our core self before we were even born.
For more on this topic, we recommend the following
Get Unstuck, Stay Unstuck