In the last newsletter (January), I alluded to the fact that over the years, I have developed an interactional process called, Facilitative Communication.
As shown in the Communication Process table below, facilitative communication simply means that when a leader or anyone for that matter “Hits a Speed Bump” and no longer has that comfortable and easy “Cruise Control” feeling that the savvy executive will consciously change her language in order to elevate the conversation, advance the relationship and create a transcendent resolution.
By transcendent resolution I mean one that has the best of what you think; the best of what they think, but a solution that is better or superior to both.
Facilitative communication simply means that we know that we have communicated when we hear our thoughts, feelings and ideas coming out of the other person’s mouth, i.e., the words we initially wanted to say.
They tell you what you wanted to tell them.
They, then take you where you want them to go.
In other words, people generally are in love with the sound of their voice, not yours.
If you tell them they are “wrong”, in their mind you have suddenly become a “you-know-what”.
If you have a mindset that is genuinely curious and interested in them, that is to say, their point of view, and you know how to elevate the conversation that a very good thing will happen.
You will find that they will tell you what you wanted to tell them.
Their comment actually becomes for them the acknowledgement of a wise, judicious and rather mature person.
A positive conversation ensues and you both win.
And How in the Name of Heaven does a Leader do That?
We do this by leveraging the fact that the human brain cannot multi-task but can only iterate.
In effect, people cannot see what is right about their idea(s) what might be wrong, (likely your idea) about their point of view until they have fully expiated their argument and can then and only then see the opposite or different perspective.
A smart leader never forgets that after food, shelter and clothing people want one thing.
People want to be right and they want the glory for being right.
That realization and knowing what to do about it, my fiends is the essence of a facilitative conversation. Read More